Thursday, September 13, 2018

I am But a Simple Melody

DEPRESSION SUCKS!!!

There! I said it. I'm sure a good number of us have dealt with the feeling of being down. It's not like it's the mysterious, elusive chupacabra of emotions. It's pretty typical in life. We have our up days. We have the obligatory opposite. It's (sorry to use the "N" word) normal. (Yuck. I said it.)

Many of us, however, deal with a much stronger version of the doldrums. "They" call it depression. It's depressing. Get it? Good. Let's move on.

I'm not one for meds. I know many would say that they're essential for survival. I just don't do well with pills. I'll take an injection over a pill any day of the millennium. I still won't do those unnecessarily. Pills do more to destroy my stomach than fix whatever problem for which they were prescribed. You also have to consider all the chemical components involved. There is no appeal to me. So... that's out. My brain is wacky enough as it is. I don't need anything messing with it even more.

That, dear friends, is where music comes in.

I'll never claim to be the greatest musician there is. I'm not going to say that I'm the most amazing songwriter there ever was. Nor will I infer, or imply that I am the most epic singer there ever will be. That's not what I'm about. I just love to make music. Is it easy? NOPE! Nor should it be. It's my pill. It's my Advil when life is weighing heavy upon my head. It's my salve. It's my IcyHot when the everyday has me feeling sore and broken. It's the cure for what sickens me to death.

I recently found myself touching on a song that I hadn't touched in years. I wrote it on a train ride to a gig, performed it that night, played it (maybe) once more, and that was that. People liked it. But it just felt a little forced to me. I write from my life. I write from what I have lived. It has to be personal. It has to be real to me. This song was almost that. There was just a bunch of filler involved. It had a good start. It had a good "hook". It just didn't sit right with me.

Fast forward. It's something close to eight years later. I found a friend to whom I instantly felt close. That's hard for me. Then, out of the blue, he was gone. Suicide. I've been down this road before. I had to travel it again. I've lost too many people to this. I need two hands to count the number of people I knew that have fallen to this hateful word. One of them happened to be an amazing woman with whom I had plans to wed. Even I have come pretty close. It eats at me from the inside like so many ravenous parasites. I immediately turned to music to keep from losing my... well.. you know. It was that song.

This song is one of my most profound truths. Music is my THERAPY. The Guitar is my DOCTOR. Lyrics are my HISTORY. Without them I would SHATTER. Notes I sing are FAMILY, important in all matters. And I am but a SIMPLY MELODY.

I'm working hard on this song. I just wish it would stop crashing my DAW. There is just so much to it. There are more tracks in this song than I have ever put into any other song. It has to feel like I feel. I do that because I know someone out there feels that same way or similar. If it's you, you never need to feel like you're alone. THAT is why I make music. With this song, I will be strong. I hope it helps you find the strength to carry on.